The War Within

 

This is a mashup of a whole bunch of psalms I wrote a little while back. There are few scriptures other than psalms and a little bit of my own writing. It is a lament for the pride I carry in my heart and the fact that I have many conflicting wills opposing one another inside my soul. It is a plea to God to bring peace to the chaos and unite my soul as one house so that I may have only God’s will guiding me and I may live in peace.

 

Be merciful to me, my God,

For my soul is a house divided against itself

I oppose myself at every turn

My adversary pursues me.

All day long he twists my heart;

    His schemes are my ruin.

He conspires against me

He lurks at the door hoping to take my life;

Do not let him overcome me;

    In your anger, God, bring my pride to ruin

What can my enemy do to me?

He trembles in fear of the Lord

Whose eternal word I praise

So when my heart overflows with terror

And floods my soul with useless worries

And causes me to doubt what is eternal

And beckons me to have faith in what is fleeting

And I find myself worshiping idols

And putting my trust in the works of human hands

And human honours

And human victories

I cry out to you:

 Lord Lord!

Record my misery;

    list my tears on your scroll—

    are they not written in your book?

Do you not know the anguish I bring upon myself?

You have searched me, Lord,

    and you know me.

    you are familiar with all my ways.

For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

My heart was not hidden from you

    when I was made in the secret place,

    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your love knew my undivided soul;

Each moment of my life was written in your book

    before this battle began.

Where can I escape from your Spirit?

    Where can I flee from your presence?

If I could go up into the stars, you would meet me there;

    if I swam to the bottom of the sea, there you would be waiting also

There is no shadow which can hide me from you

For even the darkness of night shines like the morning sun in your eyes

Lord, hear my prayer,

    listen to my cry for mercy;

The enemy pursues me,

    he makes me live in darkness

like those long dead

Search me, God, and know my heart;

    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

In your unfailing love, silence my enemy

See if there is any offensive way in me,

    and lead me in the way everlasting.

God is our refuge and strength,

    an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we must not fear, though the earth give way

    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

For, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies,

it remains only a single seed.

But if it dies, it produces many seeds.

Come and see what the Lord has done,

    the desolation he has caused in my heart

He makes wars cease

And unites divided houses

    He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;

    he beats swords into plowshares

And throws the weapons of war into the fires of Hell

The Lord says, “Be still, and know that I am God;

Why are you crying out to me?

Do not be afraid.

Stand firm and you will know deliverance from your suffering

    Praise my name in your heart

And I will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

The Lord Almighty is with us;

  He prepares a table for us in his house

Where enemies dine together

and their cups overflow with goodness and mercy

There is a river which sings for joy in the house of the Lord,

    This river brings life to the tree in the garden

Which heals your soul and lifts the curse

Taste of this tree and your heart will be unbroken

And your mind will be made quiet

And your house will be made whole

So I make this vow to you, O God;

With an undivided will –

   To bring you offerings of thanks,

Love for all creation,

And compassion for my enemy.

There is only one thing I ask from you, O Lord,

this only do I seek:

that I may dwell in your house

all the days of my life,

For you have delivered me from death

    and my feet from stumbling,

that I may walk beside you

in the light of life.