We become the people we love. This is easily seen in our children. We often hear the voice of a parent or other caregiver spoken by a child – words they are repeating and internalising from the adults around them. Most parents have seen aspects of themselves in their children. At times, this can reveal things about ourselves we did not previously realise. Our children will say or do things they learned from us and, suddenly, we are looking into a mirror.
Both our vices and our virtues, our good and bad habits, are inherited by our children whether we like it or not. Our parents (or whoever raised us) exist inside of us. In a certain sense, all of our ancestors are within us, guiding us for better and for worse. In Eriugena’s way of saying it, we are created in one another as we are united by our common understanding and our shared love (which always go hand in hand). Eriugena wrote his magnum opus Periphyseon as a dialogue between teacher and student. Inviting his student to reflect on the conversation they are having, Eriugena explains the way their souls have become one through their dialogue:
“There is nothing strange in this. For when we enter upon a discussion together…each of us is created in the other: for when I understand what you understand I am made in your understanding, and in a certain way that cannot be described I am created in you. In the same way when you clearly understand what I clearly understand you are made my understanding, and of two understandings is made one.” (Translation by Sheldon-Williams)
The voices of ancestors echo through our hearts and minds. By means of language, ritual, and custom we inherit their perspectives. Neither you nor I invented the English language, yet it is the medium by which we think and express our thoughts to one another. The wisdom and folly of our ancestors is tucked away in the hidden recesses of our souls, influencing the way we think and the decisions we make, even if we are unaware of the sway they have over us. We cannot understand ourselves unless we understand the cultures and traditions that formed us.
We become who we are through our relationships with other people. This happens in formal instruction, such as the dialogue between Eriugena and his student, but it also happens in more subtle ways. We pick up the mannerisms of the people around us as well. Our habitual responses to the events of life mirror those of the people we spend our time with, even people we don’t want to be like. The way we walk, how loudly we speak, and how we respond to a traffic jam are all influenced by what we see others do.
These habitual responses are often useful in certain situations but not in others. At times, a habit that serves us well in general may secretly keep us from seeing a unique problem with clarity. Most of us wake up one day only to realise we have made the same mistakes our parents did before us. But we also have their wisdom inside us. The challenge is to recognise both, then choose which ones we want to nurture and which ones we want to change.
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