In Lament of Time

brass-colored analog clock

When the darkness of time clouds my vision
And leaves damp and withered roses on my doorstep
I cannot help but frantically search behind the veil of reality
In hopes of finding something more meaningful
Than the tired old song my clock sings every day

Time is a burden imposed on mortals
It is the missing piece of divinity
We never won from the garden
It is the true curse of Adam

How I long to dance in the infinite
And skip merrily from future to past
And back to the present
How I long to be free
And wander the unmade realms of possibility
Existing eternally in the waters of the deep

If only I could hover over the water like the Spirit
If only, like Wisdom herself,
I could sing with the angels and the morning stars
At the beginning of time
At the end of time

Then I would understand my own nature
Then I would be truly free
Then, and only then,
I would know peace
And depth
And Christ

And so, I will sit here and try to be present
I will try to be fully in this moment
In the hopes that I may slip into what has never been,
Or even what never will be
And stumble my way up the ladder to Heaven
To join the angels and the saints

And sometimes it works
Sometimes I taste the sweet fruit of heaven
Sometimes I wrestle with God and receive a new name
Sometimes, just for a fleeting moment,
I glimpse eternity
Even if it leaves me wounded

Yet, that fleeting moment of eternity
Is more than my injury
Is more than my life
Is more than all my ancestors combined
It is bliss and sorrow and utterly ineffable
And I love it completely
And I long for it deep inside

It calls to me, the deep
The nothingness of all
And I hear it whisper secrets of love
And the mysteries of old
As I sit here on my rock
Listening to the song of the trees
Far from any clock

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