In Lament of Time

An updated version of this poem from several years ago, along with two other original poems of mine, can be found in my book Psalter of the Birds. You can purchase a copy from our books page by clicking HERE.

When the darkness of time 
clouds my vision,
And leaves damp and withered 
roses on my doorstep,
I cannot help but frantically search 
behind the veil of reality,
In hopes of finding something 
more meaningful 
than the tired old song 
my clock sings every day.

Time is a burden 
imposed on mortals,
It is the missing piece of divinity
we never won from the garden,
It is the true curse of Adam.

How I long to dance in the infinite
and skip merrily from future to past
and back to the present,
How I long to be free
and wander the unmade 
realms of possibility,
Existing eternally 
in the waters of the deep.

 If only I could hover 
over the water like the Spirit,
If only, like Wisdom herself,
I could sing with the angels 
and the morning stars,
At the beginning of time,
At the end of time.

Then I would understand 
my own nature,
Then I would be truly free,
Then, and only then,
I would know peace
And depth
And Christ.

And so I will sit here 
and try to be present,
I will try to be 
fully in this moment,
In the hopes that I may slip 
into what has never been,
Or even what never will be,
And stumble my way up 
the ladder to Heaven,
To join the angels and the saints.

And sometimes it works,
Sometimes I taste 
the sweet fruit of heaven,
Sometimes I wrestle with God 
and receive a new name,
Sometimes, just for a fleeting 
I glimpse eternity,
Even if it leaves me wounded.

Yet, that fleeting moment of eternity,
Is more than my injury,
Is more than my life,
Is more than all 
my ancestors combined,
It is bliss and sorrow 
and utterly ineffable,
And I love it completely,
And I long for it deep inside.

 It calls to me, 
The deep,
The nothingness of all,
And I hear it whisper 
secrets of love
and the mysteries of old,
As I sit here on my rock
Listening to the song 
of the trees,
Far from any clock.

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