Every person needs a hearth to call home. Somewhere we return to throughout our lives, where we are met with familiar faces and support. It is our nature to come together in community, sharing the blessings and hardships of life with one another. Having a home base means you can go out into the wilderness, taking risks, exploring new things, knowing there is somewhere safe for you to land when you’re all worn out.
When we come together around a hearth, whether literal or figurative, resting is not all we do. We teach one another, share our resources, and help each other make plans for the future. We learn from other people’s wisdom and mistakes, telling stories we pass along from one generation to the next, growing together in new directions.
For many people, a solid home base is difficult to come by. Not every hearth is warm, in fact, some are cold as ice. Luckily, we can create our own communities with intentionality, generosity, and patience. A chosen family often makes the best home base, everyone is there because they decided to be. Aelred of Rievaulx, the abbot of a medieval monastery in the north of England, described his chosen family in beautiful terms.
“The day before yesterday as I was walking around the monastery, with the brothers sitting in a most loving circle, I marvelled at the leaves, blossoms, and fruits of each single tree as if I were in the fragrant bowers of paradise. Finding not one soul whom I did not love and, I was sure, not one soul by whom I was not loved, I was filled with joy that surpassed all the delights of the world. Indeed, coursing through me, I could say with the prophet, ‘See how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to live in unity’” (Trans by Braceland)
A flock of starlings flies through the air with impeccable harmony. A frenzied dance of murmuration, the ebb and flow of their movements gracefully takes on the appearance of a single dancer. It is a sight to behold. Human beings do not come to this quite so naturally, however, as can be seen in any subway station at rush hour. While we may have to work harder at it than the starlings, we still are capable of remarkable harmony.
When a community is flourishing, it gives birth to creativity and insight. A true spiritual community does not limit our freedom, it magnifies it, opening wellsprings of possibility, allowing us to explore the unknown while kept safe by the watchful eyes of our sisters and brothers. Becoming one in spirit, we share the meditations of our hearts, working together towards common goals, sharing one another’s burdens.
We become who we are through our relationships with other people. It is easy to get stuck in dusty old paradigms, spinning our wheels in the same ruts for years on end. Taking up their hopes and fears as our own, we are given a window into someone else’s experience. By learning to see the world from their perspective, veils of shadow are lifted from our eyes in the process. Aelred went on to say,
“Thus praying to Christ for a friend and desiring to be heard by Christ for a friend, we focus on Christ with love and longing. Then sometimes suddenly, imperceptibly, affection melts into affection, and somehow touching the sweetness of Christ nearby, one begins to taste how dear he is and experience how sweet he is. Thus rising from that holy love with which a friend embraces a friend to that which a friend embraces Christ, one may take the spiritual fruit of friendship fully and joyfully into the mouth, while looking forward to all abundance in the life to come.” (Trans by Braceland)
May you find a place to call home – whether it’s the house you grew up in, ta community of faith, the family you chose for yourself, or a collection of online friends you’ve never met in person. Love these people and pray for them regularly, weeping when they weep, rejoicing when they rejoice. Find a place where your gifts support others, your curiosity is encouraged, and everyone is doing their best to be awesome to each other.
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